Legal Jokes

The following questions were taken from actual court records:


Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases, he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?         A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'

 Following Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Were you alone or by yourself?

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Were you present when this picture of you was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Now, Mrs. Johnson, by whose death was your first marriage terminated?

Since you are three months along with your pregnancy then, the date of conception was August 8. What were you doing at the time of conception?

How many times have you committed suicide?

So you were gone until you returned?

So you have three children and none of them are boys. How many then are girls?

You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

And these stairs that go down into the basement. Do they go up also?

Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet.

"Your honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
Was Mr. Edington dead at the time you performed the autopsy?

Q: Did you check the patient for a pulse before declaring him dead?     A: No 

Q: Did you check the patient for respiration before declaring him dead? A: No

Q: Did you, if fact do anything Doctor to ascertain the health of the patient prior to declaring him dead? A: No

Q: Then you don't know with certitude that he was in fact dead, do you doctor?

A: Well, his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but you're right, for all I know he could be out there somewhere practicing law right now.