Legal  Jokes

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The following questions were taken from actual court records:

• Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
• Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases, he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
• Q: What happened then?

        A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'

        Q: Did he kill you?

• Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
• The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
• Were you alone or by yourself?
• How long have you been a French Canadian?
• Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
• Were you present when this picture of you was taken?
• Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
• Now, Mrs. Johnson, by whose death was your first marriage terminated?
• Since you are three months along with your pregnancy then, the date of conception was August 8. What were you doing at the time of conception?
• How many times have you committed suicide?
• So you were gone until you returned?
• So you have three children and none of them are boys. How many then are girls?
• You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
• And these stairs that go down into the basement. Do they go up also?
• Have you lived in this town all your life? A: Not yet.
• "Your honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
• Was Mr. Edington dead at the time you performed the autopsy? Q: Did you check the patient for a pulse before declaring him dead?
A: No  Q: Did you check the patient for respiration before declaring him dead? A: No Q: Did you, if fact do anything Doctor to ascertain the health of the patient prior to declaring him dead? A: No Q: Then you don't know with certitude that he was in fact dead, do you doctor? A: Well, his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but you're right, for all I know he could be out there somewhere practicing law right now.